When it comes to body image, it can be overwhelming to tackle the negative feelings we might be experiencing. The way we feel about our bodies is informed by a variety of past and current experiences. From the way our friends discuss weight and dieting to how social media depicts perfection, many of us are battling deep inner pain related to our physicality.

As anyone who struggles with body image will know, it is not enough to simply ‘choose’ to love ourselves more one day. Facing our true feelings about our bodies and how we perceive them can be extremely distressing, and it’s a complex area to unpack. Thankfully, there are some gentle but effective ways we can naturally boost our confidence.

Mirrors are typically a fear-triggering element for those struggling to cope with a difficult body relationship. We might turn away from our mirror image in dislike of what we initially perceive. Store window reflections and bedroom vanity mirrors are just some of the looking glasses that trigger bad body feelings. But did you realize that your mirror could be a source of healing?

Start by introducing positivity to your mirror space. Set aside 20 minutes to write five positive messages on post-it notes that you can stick up around the frame and see clearly each time you look at yourself. Affirmations might include, “I am my own measure of beauty” or, “I am enough.” In the image above, you can get ideas from the messages my clients posted on a mirror in my office. Consider these notes as the love letters your mind and body crave as you gradually adopt them into your consciousness.

Next up—gather meaningful items to place nearby your mirror in order to create a sanctuary of positivity. Perhaps there is a unique scented candle that you adore, some photographs of a trip that always makes you smile, or a shell you collected from the beach on a beautiful day. Put these items near your mirror to help soothe your nervous system when looking into your reflection. 

In an increasingly digitalized world of social media and 24/7 advertising it can be frustratingly difficult to avoid toxic diet culture and the pressure that comes with ‘picture perfect’ images in the online space. However, by applying this empowering mirror hack and creating a supportive environment at the mirror, you can take steps toward body positivity.

I hope this mirror hack helps you keep sight of the fact that your value goes far beyond numbers on a scale or the size of your jeans. Who you are deep inside, and this incredible body that carries you through life is worth appreciating. 

I’d love to hear from you. Please share in the comments some of the ways that you practice body positivity for yourself and your loved ones. 

- Alison Ross, LMFT

In the past, when people lost weight, I envied them. I wanted to know how they did it and emulate them. Today, as a recovered yo-yo dieter, I feel concerned about them. I remember how great it once felt to lose pounds. Diet culture supports it as a significant accomplishment. The people around us chime in to tell us how good we look and to ask about our strategies. ​But I also remember the cost to my physical and mental health of pushing my body toward an unhealthy weight.​ So, when people proudly post those weight loss after-photos, I feel concerned that they've set themselves up for a health disaster. 

Only a person who loses weight knows whether they sacrificed their health for it. And, sometimes, weight loss is a result of efforts I consider healthy. Some of my clients lose weight when they ditch the stressful dieting mindset in favor of self-respect and self-care, put more nutrition and pleasure into meals, and hone their emotion and eating regulation skills. Even when these efforts don't result in weight loss, they are likely to affect health positively. But too many people have been made to feel that their worth depends on their weight and size. They seek weight loss feverishly, the "lose 41 pounds in 28 days" way promoted by this First For Women cover. They push their bodies by restricting food, overexercising, abusing medication, and waging a mental war on themselves -- the way I once did. When people lose weight that way, it's never healthy. ​

This magazine wants you to believe that you can lose 41 pounds in 28 days on the diet they promote and then ride off into a sunset with your health intact. I consider this a big, fat lie. No one could engage in such extreme weight loss without harmful side effects. Even a lesser amount of weight loss could come at a cost to health. 

Here's what I know, any effort to push your weight below your healthy range will trigger survival responses as your brain does its powerful background work to adapt to the stressful dieting lifestyle and the threat of malnutrition. My clients and I are familiar with the grand spectrum of suffering triggered by hating our bodies, engaging in trendy diets, and the predictable yo-yo dieting cycles that ensue. Our diets have triggered obsessive thinking, constant weighing, fear of regaining, isolation, low-self esteem, feelings of failure, body image distortion, excessive hunger and cravings, disordered eating patterns, bounce-back weight gain, and even chronic illness. I think diets should come with warning labels. 

If diets are dangerous to our health, where can we turn when we dislike our bodies, struggle with body image, or need to improve our eating habits for the sake of our health? My book, Non-Dieting: How to Love Your Body and Be Healthy in Diet Culture, will be available on Amazon soon. In it, I offer research about how dieting can actually make us heavier, hungrier, and sick. I also share what I wish someone told me when I started to dislike my body, develop unhealthy eating habits, and began dieting at the age of twelve. I needed someone to explain that health, confidence, and the sense of worth I sought would not come from chasing an unrealistic body. It would come from the realization that my weight was not the most important thing about me. Later, this discovery would free me to focus on my strengths and develop them into a meaningful life. And it would enable me to recover from the stressful dieting lifestyle that had triggered disordered eating patterns and a negative body image. Ditching the diet lifestyle was the best thing I ever did for my health. If you want to learn about getting healthy on the non-dieting path, join my email list. You'll be among the first to know when the book is available. 

Take a moment to reflect on how dieting has affected your health. Do your experiences align with mine? Please share with me in the comments below. 

​-Alison Ross, LMFT

I recently read a story about a dad whose 8-year-old son was starting to feel insecure about his body. His son had a large birthmark on his chest that embarrassed him. He stopped going to the pool with his friends and didn't want to take off his shirt. The father responded to his son's growing insecurities in a beautifully, outrageous way. He went to a tattoo artist where he had a replica of the birthmark tattooed on his chest. It was precisely the right message when his son started to feel insecure about his body -- his father doubled-down on his appreciation for how his son is. You can see the story for yourself here. ​

Do you bring stress to the table when it's time to eat? Many of us do. We race through the day, checking off our to-do lists, and eating on the run. We take our emotional-stress to the cupboard for relief. And many of us, stuck in the diet-mentality, feel anxiety about the food itself. We eat while a voice in our head anxiously chatters, "I shouldn't be eating this."

As it turns out, being in fight-and-flight mode while eating affects how you metabolize your food. A fascinating study at Ohio State University found that when their participants ate while stressed, they metabolized their food less efficiently, which could increase fat storage. And their bodies generated more inflammation and plaque buildup, even when eating healthier foods. (1) The finding reveals that eating when stressed can increase weight and set us up for heart disease, diabetes, and rheumatoid arthritis. We watch what we eat because we think it will make us healthier and perhaps thinner. But this study reveals that anxiously watching what you eat doesn't achieve that at all. It's another reason I don't recommend dieting. ​